The day of reckoning is upon me. It’s finally time to talk about the Spider-Men.
When I first started making these posts, I thought it would be fun to try blasting through an entire film franchise, then do a big bulk review of them separately from the standard monthly blogs. I remember daydreaming about how fun it would be to finally check out all the Star Wars movies, or maybe even try to run through Pixar’s entire catalogue.
I figured that I’d start off with something easy. I love Spider-Man, he’s been my favorite super hero since I was a kid. Plus I’ve seen a bunch of the movies already, so it should be a breeze to give em a watch and spit out some thoughts, right? Given that I’m typing this on December 31st, that clearly didn’t work out the way I planned it. You’ll see why in a bit. But first, we gotta lay down some groundwork.
This post contains reviews and spoilers for all ten theatrically released Spider-Man films. I’m going to be talking about them movie by movie in roughly chronological order, grouping them by series so that we don’t have to mix in the Spider-Verse movies with the MCU ones. And just so we’re clear, here’s how I’m referring to each of those “Cinematic Universes”:
- The Raimis (Spider-Man 1, 2, and 3)
- The TASMs (The Amazing Spider-Man 1 and 2)
- The MCUs (Spider-Man Homecoming, Far From Home and Now Way Home,)
- The Spider-Verses (Into the Spider-verse, Across the Spider-verse)
I should also be up-front with my viewing history before tackling this project: I’ve seen the first two Raimis about a hundred times each, they were constantly playing in the background of my house growing up. Despite that, I somehow missed the third Raimi until like 2020. I also saw both Homecoming and Into The Spider-Verse in theaters at release, but haven’t revisited them since. For the rest, I’m going in blind.
And with that, we’re swinging into this mess. Here’s my thoughts on the Spiders-Mans!
Spider-Man
This is the primordial Comic Book movie in my mind. Every film with a superhero that’s come out since owes at least a little bit of its legacy to Raimi, the dude laid out the groundwork for an entire multi-billion dollar genre. There are so many little quirks that show up here, then echo all the way out to the modern entries like Fantastic Four and Superman from this year.
The lack of a pre-established comic book movie tone means that The Raimis get to go buck wild. Sure, there’s the default mix of comedy, action, and romance, but you also get a ton of horror sequences and a general early 2000’s cheese. There are random skulls popping up all the time along with a few jumpscares that absolutely terrified me as a kid. You just don’t see big stylistic swings like that taken in this kinda movie anymore, and that’s a shame.
The structure itself stands out too. A significant chunk of the runtime is dedicated to the ORIGIN STORY; You’re going to watch Peter bumble around for a bit and establish relationships with the important people in his life, before an extended sequence focusing on the spider bite and resulting powers. Nowadays, info like this is rushed through as fast as possible (if even mentioned at all) and I think this movie is a little weaker for it on a modern day rewatch.
Willem Dafoe is easily the best part of this one. I doubt we’ll ever see another live action Green Goblin, he’s just too perfect in the role. It’s similar to the Heath Ledger Joker situation, they already nailed it the first time. The same can also be said for J.K. Simmons as JJJ, given that he reprises this role on an annual basis now.
Overall, it’s a great little movie, and I like it a lot!
Spider-Man 2
Y’all ready to value my opinions less? This is my least favorite of The Raimis.
Ok, look, hear me out. All three of these movies are pretty damn similar to one another. Raimi has a very specific style that he’s going for with em across the board, so the main thing that makes each one stand out are the villains. And for me personally, Doc Oc isn’t even close to Gobby.
There’s also a huge focus on how absolutely abysmal things are for Peter this time. Every aspect of his life is going about as poorly as it could, and even the action scenes where you’d normally get a release from all the misery are punctuated by the weird Spider-Power erectile dysfunction bits. So as a result, Tobey Maguire has to carry a lot more of the movie on his shoulders, which is uh, maybe not the best call.
I like Tobey as Spider-Man in a general sense. He brings a sorta “blank canvas” energy to the character that works pretty well in this particular universe. There are a ton of huge personalities around him at all times, so having the POV character be a bit more subdued gives them all enough space to breathe. The problem is that this can feel a bit goofy when he’s out here being the protagonist of an entire trilogy.
Before we move on, I don’t have a natural spot to bring this up, but I have to mention it: All of The Raimi’s are OBSESSED with patriotic and religious imagery. There are so many American flags and crosses across the whole series, and you get two shots of a Spider-Jesus pose in this one specifically. Very funny stuff.
Spider-Man 3
Ready to value my opinions even less? This is my favorite Raimi.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda a mess, but there’s something magnetic about it. All of The Raimis are paced like the cast and crew are actively being chased by a pack of feral dogs between takes, but 3 is the only one with enough stuff going on to justify it. The result is a movie that just zooms past you. Before you have time to fixate on how absurd one scene is, the next one is already in full swing.
Even though each of the three main villains are fun enough on their own, none of them would be anywhere near compelling enough to carry an entire story. But who cares, that’s why they’re all in the same movie! Harry has the most narrative relevance, but there’s no way that James Franco could ever be intimidating, especially when he’s stuck living in Dafoe’s shadow.
The Sandman is mostly here for the sake of being visually interesting and absolutely crushes it on that front, you all know how cool that one scene looks (also, I will die on the hill that being turned into sand like that has to feel unbelievably good, god I wish that was me).
And while yes, this is a colossal waste of Eddie Brock’s first on-screen appearance, I still kinda love him. Topher Grace is not even close to the right casting choice 99 out of 100 times, but the smarmy energy he brings works really well across from Tobey.
This is also the only one of The Raimis where Tobey and Kirsten Dunst have any real chemistry. I’ve been avoiding mentioning her at all thus far, mostly because despite being a huge part of each film, she’s just not particularly compelling. By the time we get to this point in the overall story, both Peter and MJ have acted like complete idiots with regards to one another. They’re each a trainwreck in their own special way, so watching them inevitably end up together at the end feels fitting, even if they’re both sorta terrible people. We love a pair of messy icons!
And the hottest mess of all is obviously symbiote Peter. Letting Tobey just go hog wild and act like a doofus is objectively insane, but the end result is just dumb enough to work for me. None of these three movies are even remotely close to high art that need to be taken seriously, so why not just revel in it?
I just looked at the wordcount on this, and a shiver ran down my spine. I gotta speed things up. Raimi movee gud, me liek bigly.
The Amazing Spider-Man
This was surprisingly fun! I remember hearing that The TASMs weren’t particularly good as a kid, and always assumed I wouldn’t enjoy them. The entire universe has a significantly darker tone than The Raimis that immediately put me off whenever I’d see a trailer. New York is grimier, the villains are more actively threatening, and even the Spider-Man suit itself looks like it could’ve been worn by a villain just as easily as a hero.
But all of this works perfectly as a backdrop to the edgier Peter / Spider-Man we get from Andrew Garfield. I’ve seen a lot of people try to divide the way that an actor plays each half of the role over the years. “Maguire is the best Peter, but Garfield is the best Spidey”, stuff like that. Personally, I think that distinction is nonsense. They’re the same character! I get that Spider-Man is meant to be an act that Peter is putting on, but in universe they’re still the same kid whether the mask is on or off.
The reason this drives me so crazy is that a ton of people use it as a cop out to the “Best Spider-Man” question, when the answer is obvious. It’s none of them!* All 3 live action versions are at least a little bit off in one way or another, and your preference is always going to be whichever version you grew up with.
I mention all of this because, even as someone that did not grow up with Garf-Man at all, it still kinda bums me out how wasted he is in these movies. TASM has potential, but it spends way too much time retreading an origin story. You can feel how embarrassed the movie is to be showing you another spider biting another kid, it feels like a formality that it’s rushing through.
At least Da Lizard is played by Adrian from Little Nicky, that’s neat.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Speaking of gigantic wastes of potential, hey look, it’s TASM 2!
This feels like two completely separate movies that were rammed into each other until a single mangled cinematic abomination was formed. You can cut an absurdly clean line between The Good parts and The Bad parts.
Let’s start with The Bad: Literally everything involving Harry Osborne. This dude is completely absent from the first movie, but now he’s suddenly Peter’s super important bestie and is speed running the friend-to-villain arc that it took James Franco three entire movies to get through. But unlike Harry from The Raimis, this version is a complete void of charisma, he drains the life out of every scene he’s in. It stinks and I hate it.
Then there’s Peter’s parents. They serve absolutely no narrative purpose, and the movie already has an insanely strong emotional core with the relationship between Peter and Gwen. Opening with a snoozer of a fight scene that feels like it was pulled from a cheap James Bond knock off is bonkers, and don’t even get me started on whatever the hell was happening with the train station thing.
Whenever any of the above is on screen, the movie is Bad. But for the rest of the runtime, it’s actually way better than people give it credit for. Hell, I might even call it Good.
Electro might not be the most compelling bad guy out there, but this interpretation of him is super neat. Turns out that having a villain with control over electricity in a major metropolitan area can lead to some really cool moments, even if you have to accept the idea that he got his powers via electric eel dunk tank.
But the real star of the show here is the romance. Just like in The Raimis, both TASMs are extremely fixated on Peter’s love life, but this time there’s an massive amount of chemistry between the leads. Everything involving Gwen is ridiculously compelling and it turns out this Emma Stone lady is a pretty darn good actress, who knew?
Her death at the end is easily the most emotionally resonant moment out of all the movies so far. If this had just been about the “Will They Won’t They” romance and Spidey vs Electro, it could’ve been a slam dunk. But instead we’re stuck with this mess, cutting the would-be trilogy off an entry short. It’s a bummer.
Spider-Man: Homecoming
You ever think about how crazy it is that this came out three years after TASM 2? Like, seriously, in the span of time that it takes for a season of Stranger Things to get farted out, they killed Garf-Man, pulled Tom Holland out of his native English soil, plopped him into an Avengers movie, and established an entirely new canon for the character. It’s absurd that it worked out as well as it did.
Holland is the main reason for this. He’s got that whole “Youthful Exuberance” thing in spades, it breathes a ton of life into the character. This is the first time it’s felt like a Spider-Man is actually having fun out there. Plus, aging Peter down was a great call, it separates him a ton from the Spideys before him. They needed to make sure that he felt like his own version of the character, and I think they nailed it.
Another huge change is the complete lack of an origin story, which is kinda crazy on paper. 15 years before this came out, we needed the entire first act to be devoted to explaining how infectious diseases are transferred via arachnid. Now we just show a twink swinging around NYC and everyone nods their heads in agreement that yes, this is what the Spider-Man looks like in his natural habitat.
I’m going to be brief here, because almost everything that I want to mention about Homecoming is more relevant for the next one. For this movie specifically, I’ll say that the reveal of The Vulture being Liz’s dad is a very cool moment. It was a massive shock when I first saw it in theaters, and I completely forgot about it by the time I got to this rewatch, so it got me again.
Spider-Man: Far From Home
This movie is the reason that you’re reading this post in January of 2026 instead of July of 2025. I watched the first six movies in February and March. Then I got to FFH in April and hated it so much that I put off watching the rest until December. Spider-Man: Far From Home is the most vile, repugnant film I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. I despise everything about it.
First off, why is there no Spider-Man in my Spider-Man movie? So much of the runtime of FFH is focused on everyone besides the guy whose name is in the title. There’s the obligatory romance, this time between Peter and an MJ played by Zendaya. Having one of the most gorgeous women on the planet styled as a greasy, nihilistic nerd is certainly one of the casting decisions of all time, but sure, whatever, who cares.
The real problem is literally everyone else besides those two. Why god why is this movie trying to make me care about Aunt May, and her inexplicable love interest in Happy, and Ned, and Flash Thompson, and Betty Brant, aaaand his science teacher, AND his Principal, AND his gym teacher??? I guess if Hannibal Burress stumbles onto a film set, you’re legally required to give him lines.
Oh, and I forgot to mention the actual most important character in, let me remind you the title of the movie real quick, SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME: It’s Iron-Man of course! Yeah, Iron-Man! He’s not actually present in the movie, Robert Downey Jr. wasn’t getting out of bed for this drivel, but nevertheless this film primarily serves as a eulogy for his character. The plot runs exclusively through him; every character that knew him is constantly mourning his passing, and the villain’s plan hinges entirely on abusing the void left in his absence.
And since none of the actually interesting characters from the MCU could be bothered to be in this, you’re instead stuck watching Nick Fury and Cobie “How My Career Became A Blunder” Smulders be insufferable jackasses because OF COURSE we have to tie this story into the greater MCU at every opportunity!
That’s my biggest problem with these movies overall; As Spider-Man stories, they can be pretty fun. But there’s a constant dread of the MCU tie-ins around every corner that completely deflates any momentum that they might have. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a team-up! Spidey fighting crime alongside Daredevil or working with the Fantastic 4 sounds like a wonderful time, but nothing like that ever happens. It’s just a never ending flood of “O WAO LOOK AT THAT IT CAPTAIN MERICA I LOVE HIM FROM DA VENGERS” and reminders that you should be crying yourself to sleep every night since the MOST IMPORTANT hero of the ENTIRE world (his name is Iron-Man, remember him, he’s so cool) is DEAD.
And on top of all of that, this film is just putrid to look at. The camera work / lighting is comically inconsistent and the CGI is unbelievably bad. The big fight scene where Mysterio is wrecking Spider-Man by altering reality is completely ruined by this. And I swear on my dog, if you try to tell me that “Well that’s actually the point, since he’s meant to be messing with Spidey’s perception”, I will find your dad and kiss him on the mouth for the express purpose of ruining his marriage. Even if this was somehow intentional, it doesn’t change the fact that the images on the screen LOOK BAD. I promise, you can make something with trippy, disorienting visuals without it being a hideous, nauseating mess. The Mouse that’s funding these movies is just comically cheap and won’t hire enough animators and or give them enough time to do their jobs properly. If the Sandman scene from a decade earlier can look as good as it did, there’s no excuse for FFH looking like shit from a butt.
As a final note, the humor in this one is horrific too. “Woah, Nick Furry said Bitch Please, it’s totally rad and epic XDDDD”. Peter Tingle my balls.
Spider-Man: No Way Home
I am not immune to propaganda. Obviously the Spider-Man movie that exists purely to capitalize on the ones that came before it is going to be up my alley, I clearly care about these things at least a little. So while I find this kind of shameless nostalgia-bait a little disgusting, I’m also not above enjoying it. Because at the end of the day, how crazy is it that something like this even exists? Two film franchises needed to be successful enough to have a strong legacy, but also die quickly enough for their leads to show up in a third franchise before they’ve aged out of playing the same characters. And not just pop their heads in as cameos, but instead be the focal point of the entire movie. It’s bonkers.
Granted, you do have to sit through a bunch of MCU garbage for a half hour first. Doctor Strange is inexplicably the dumbest character ever depicted via film and we have to watch him get beat up in yet another disorienting reality-bending CGI nightmare of a fight scene, but fine, whatever gets us to the good stuff. I can and will clap my hands like a trained seal whenever Willem Dafoe is on screen, I don’t care any more.
I should also mention Spider-Mans themselves. Tobey-Man has way more personality compared to his own movies, but Garf-Man really steals the show. The movie goes out of its way to apologize to him for effectively killing off the TASM-universe. Him getting the big redemption moment of saving MJ from dying the same way that Gwen did got a genuine cheer out of me.
Cool movie, terrible franchise, somebody please save Tom Holland from the mouse.
Also, why is the post credit scene a heartfelt goodbye from Betty Brant on her high school news program? Who is asking for this? Am I insane? I need to lie down.
Into The Spider-Verse
It’s time for some ABSOLUTE CINEMA. Despite seeing this in theaters on release and loving it at the time, I somehow managed to forget just how good this movie actually is. After working through all the live action ones, it feels like a victory lap.
Every element is perfect. The visuals are stunning, the characters are universally endearing as hell, the writing is hilarious while still keeping the stakes high, the OST brings every scene to life, every vocal performance fits their character like a glove, it’s all just mesmerizing.
I feel bad doing this, but the best way I can illustrate the point is by comparing Spider-Verse to the live action movies. Remember how I’ve been complaining about terrible CGI fight scenes for the past two sections? It turns out that it’s way easier for over-the-top combat sequences to be readable when you aren’t trying to make it look like a real human is involved. You can just make every shot unreasonably gorgeous instead.
Remember all those garbage side characters from The MCUs that sucked the life out of every scene they were in? Spider-Verse has a metric ton of side characters, but they all work because their screen time is relatively limited. Spider-Ham, Spider-Noir and Peni Parker are barely in this, and even though they’re all objectively kinda goofy on paper they work perfectly because they’re actually written like real characters instead of caricatures. A cartoon pig explaining to a teenager that his life is inextricably tied to tragedy and that he can’t save everyone only works if you actually respect the hog, and this movie just gets that.
And the craziest part of this movie is that somehow, despite it being nearly perfect, the sequel is somehow even better.
Across The Spider-Verse
Across is everything good about Into, but dialed up to 11. Every element that was great in the first is mind blowing in the second. Instead of listing out each individual part and praising them (it’s breathtaking visually, the music blends in with the animation perfectly, etc), I’m going to just call out specific things that I loved. Hell, I’m even whipping out the bullet points:
- Everything about Gwen’s arc in this movie is perfect. Her world is the most abstract visually, and the water-color aesthetic that it uses is stunning. Hailee Steinfeld’s performance is perfect too, giving the exact right amount of vulnerability and confidence for the character.
- Also, the way her story is super close to a “coming out” narrative mixed with the entire color scheme being trans absolutely rules, it’s so sick that something like this is in a mainstream superhero movie.
- The new Spider-Variants that get added this time are both ridiculously cool. Hobie is obviously the stand out of the two for me personally, but Pavitr is super fun too. That final shot of Gwen with the gang from the first movie plus those two had me pogged out of my gourd.
- Making Oscar Isaac and a dude named “The Spot” genuinely intimidating villains is unreal, like literally how do you manage to pull that off?
- The way that characters from different universes are animated in unique styles is such a great choice. I know I keep mentioning it when I said I wouldn’t, but this is seriously the most gorgeous movie I’ve ever seen visually.
- Miles’ story is easily the best rendition of the “Superhero grapples with their secret identity being hidden from their loved ones” plot I’ve ever seen, even if we only get 50% of it in this movie. His mom and dad both feel so real, and I love the way that his arc mirror’s Gwen’s.
- This movie rules.
I think the highest praise I can give to Across The Spider-Verse is that I saw it 3 days ago and I’m already itching to check it out again. It’s easily the best Spider-Man movie and I cannot wait for Beyond The Spider-Verse, whenever that comes out.
——————
So uh, that’s it! I’ve done my job here. Da Year Of Da Movie is officially over. I’d like to thank everyone that’s ever checked out one of these dumb little posts. No idea what I’m doing with this blog going forward. I’m definitely going to continue checking out more movies, but I doubt I’ll be doing full reviews for every single thing I see. This was a fun exercise, but also extremely tiring. I can’t wait to go watch a movie and then never have to think about it again if I don’t want to.
Here’s to hoping that 2026 is a good one! Much love to y’all.
THE FINAL LIST
- One Battle After Another
- Across The Spider-Verse
- Forgetting Sarah Marshall
- 12 Angry Men
- The Lighthouse
- Presence
- Bugonia
- Into The Spider-Verse
- Superman
- Americana
- Punch-Drunk Love
- The Phoenician Scheme
- Eddington
- Spider-Man 3
- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
- Sinners
- Spider-Man
- Jaws
- Gone Girl
- Spider-Man 2
- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- Roofman
- Die My Love
- Spider-Man: No Way Home
- BlackBerry
- F1
- Mickey 17
- Baby Driver
- The Bad Guys
- Honey Don’t!
- Spider-Man: Homecoming
- Kiss of the Spider Woman
- My Old Ass
- The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
- Splitsville
- The Fantastic Four: First Steps
- The Running Man
- Death of a Unicorn
- John Wick
- The Shining
- The Amazing Spider-Man
- Michael
- The Amazing Spider-Man 2
- Matrerialists
- The Big Lebowski
- Spider-Man: Far From Home
*Tobey is actually the best Spider-Man, sorry!
Flamoctapus 