Howdy gang, welcome to Da Year Of Da Movie: July Edition! For the low cost of 24 bucks a month, I can now see up to 3 movies per week at my local theater. As a result, I checked out a whopping 6 new releases in July, so we’ve got a lot to talk about. But first, some minor format updates.
I’m no longer going to try to give each movie an equal amount of time in each post. I just don’t have a lot to say on a few of these and I’d rather put more effort into the things that I find interesting to talk about instead of forcing out more text about things I don’t. Second, since I’m seeing a lot of new releases I’m going to try to be a bit more cognizant of spoilers. The start of each section will be spoiler free, and if I do decide to get more in-depth for a certain movie it will usually be in a later section that is clearly labelled. Keyword there is usually, because for the first movie I’m talking about this month I’m not bothering to dance around anything. Speaking of which,
#6 – Materialists
This entire chunk is spoiler-y, but that’s completely fine since you should not watch this movie. Materialists is pitched as a classic Rom-Com, based around a “Love Triangle”, composed of Dakota Johnson, Pedro Pascal, and Chris Evans. Gun to my head, I couldn’t tell you the names of their characters, so we’re just calling them by their Governments instead.
“Love Triangle” is in quotes, because I feel like that term generally needs at least some level of familiarity between all 3 characters, and Materialists just forgor to have Chris and Pedro together in more than 1 scene. They don’t interact with one another at all. Just ships in the night, orbiting around the void of charisma that is Dakota Johnson.
Dakota is a professional match-maker in NYC, who is generally good at her job. Her secret is that she looks at relationships from an extremely analytical perspective, pairing off her clients using a fairly rigid framework. I jot down some notes after watching a movie so I have a few starting points when writing these, and I listed some variation of “DATING LIKE MATH” three separate times.
The movie hammers you over the head with this idea constantly, but I honestly have no clue what point it’s trying to make with it. This is method is shown to be successful (Dakota has been responsible for 9 weddings), but also, how else would you possibly go about doing this for a living? Just vibes?
And by the way, if you’re looking for vibes, avoid this at all costs. Everyone and everything in this movie is unbelievably cold and unwelcoming the entire time. None of the main trio have an ounce of chemistry with one another. Pedro is a rich dude who is perfect in every conceivable way. Kind, attractive, courteous, the whole nine yards. The reason he’s interested in Dakota is that she was responsible for his brother getting married. This makes sense as an initial reason to approach, but once they start dating there is just NOTHING between the two of them. Just two characters dating because the script says they gotta.
Their relationship culminates in a baffling scene where Dakota notices some scars on Pedro’s legs. He mournfully reveals that this is from Height Extension Surgery, at which point Dakota immediately leaves him. Not because of the surgery, or even because he was “Lying”, but because they “don’t actually love each other”. If this sounds like a really weird plot point, it’s because it is.
So that sends her over to Chris, who is a down on his luck actor with a heart of gold. And you already see exactly where this is going. Dakota realizes that love isn’t a science, it’s an art, and that you can’t map it out like an equation. Her and Chris live happily ever after. Hooray I guess.
The problem here is that Dakota and Chris previously dated before the events of the movie. We get a single flashback of the two of them getting into an argument in the middle of street, that ends with Dakota screaming at Chris that she hates him because he’s poor.
So the question then becomes, why on earth would Chris ever want anything to do with this woman? It’s been years since they dated, and she’s such a black hole of personality that it is completely laughable that he would still be interested in her in any way. The movie has no answer for this question, and as such, it just doesn’t work for me at all.
Also, it’s not funny. To be clear, I don’t mean that the jokes don’t land, there just straight up aren’t any jokes to begin with. And maybe that’s for the best, given that the B-Plot is incredibly serious and off-puttingly dark. Honestly it’s such a bizarre choice that I’m not even going to go into detail, since I’d feel gross trying to make fun of it.
The only reason this isn’t going to the very bottom of the full list for the year is that it’s shot pretty well and has a decent score. Otherwise, there’s nothing redeemable here. Avoid at all costs.
#5 – The Fantastic Four: First Steps
Trust me when I say that I am very upset that I couldn’t put this at #4 for the bit. Unfortunately it’s just not particularly good. The casting is perfect and the main villain looks absolutely amazing visually, but other than that there’s not a whole lot going on here. The main conflict is just a Trolley Problem, and maybe I just hate kids too much, but I gotta be honest, they chose wrong.
One interesting note is that Fantastic Four is a fully standalone film, without any references to the greater MCU. On one hand, I like that a lot since the interconnected stuff can feel bloated. My least favorite movie that I’ve seen this year is the poster child for that issue, and it’s a huge part of why I couldn’t stand it (I’m watching every Spider-Man movie and talking about them all in a big post later on, which is why I haven’t mentioned it on here yet).
But this movie just felt aimless on its own. The end card telling me that these doofuses will return in a few months to fight Robert Downey Jr. feels less like a hype moment and more like a threat. Also, a movie that is largely centered around a horrifying CGI Baby with the subtitle “First Steps” not showing that messed up little creature walking feels like false advertising. More like Fantastic Fart, amirite fellow gamers?
#4 – F1
This is the loudest movie that has ever been made.. When I saw Materialists, it was playing in the adjacent theater and I could hear engines blasting through the walls throughout the first 5 minutes.
Despite not caring about the sport (or even cars in general), this was a really fun watch. It’s a movie where you see Brad Pitt drive cars real fast. None of the details of the plot make an ounce of sense when you think about them for more than a second, but who cares, look at him go! Wow, he sure is zoomin 🙂
There’s a scene towards the middle that got a collective gasp out of my theater, and the final race is honestly breathtaking. Throughout the movie you get a ton of cool car-go-fast moments, but they save a POV shot of an entire lap for the end and it’s just super well done.
Otherwise, this is exactly what you think it is. Closing out this section with my own review from Letterboxd: If you believe hard enough, and if your dad is dead enough, you too can bang your coworker in Vegas.
#3 – Eddington
We’re officially into the “movies I liked a lot” section. This was my first Ari Aster joint, and I’m stoked to go back and check out the rest of his work. Eddington’s defining trait is its setting: a small town in New Mexico in the spring/summer of 2020. Everything about the movie is soaked in the atmosphere of that specific time frame. All the uncertainty and fear of what was going on in the world permeates every element. And honestly, it’s deeply uncomfortable.
If you look around for general audience reviews of Eddington, you’ll see a ton of people calling the movie Centrist. While it’s certainly not afraid of throwing shots at both sides of the political spectrum, I really hate that descriptor. It feeds into the shitty “us vs them” narrative that has plagued political discourse for the past decade, and misses the entire point of the movie. There’s a massive amount of humanity in this story, and it works as well as it does because its characters are allowed to be imperfect and say/do shitty things.
I really feel bad for people that can’t get past those elements, since this movie is excellent in just about every possible way otherwise. I hope to one day be half as good at writing as Joaquin Phoenix is at acting. But I also feel like I’m being unfair singling him out, since the entire cast is doing phenomenal work. In the Summer of Pedro Pascal through which we’re all living, this is by far his best performance.
Eddington is absolutely worth a watch and I hope more people check it out with an open mind. It’s genuinely hilarious, has some jaw-dropping “Oh-Shit” moments, and is a joy to look at. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since seeing it.
#2 – The Phoenician Scheme
I mentioned wanting to check out more artsy, high concept films a few months ago when talking about The Lighthouse. The Phoenician Scheme is the first time I’ve followed up on that, and I absolutely loved it. My mouth was agape for at least 50% of the run time, just in awe of what was happening in front of me. The plot isn’t anything all that special, but the cinematography is so damn brilliant that any of the sins of the script are immediately forgiven.
There are so many fascinating shots here. My dumb-ass is not even close to being qualified to talk about why they’re good, but I can tell you I enjoyed the hell out of them. Even the opening credits are amazing to look at.
Something that stuck out to me was how Theatrical certain sections were, with scenes feeling like they were part of a stage show rather than a movie. The black and white sequences were especially good at this. The cast is another huge selling point, with way too many huge names to list. Richard Ayoade and Michael Cera were the two biggest stand outs for me personally, but literally everyone here is very clearly having an absolute blast.
Movie make eyes and brain feel good. Go watch. Also whoever decided that “Phoenician” should be spelled like that sure was scheming, I get it wrong every time.
#1 – Superman
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s an overused joke, and it might be my favorite comic book movie. I wanna start by getting the boring stuff out of the way so I can start talking about spoiler-y things: The casting is perfect, the visuals are gorgeous, and the soundtrack is great (Lex Luthor’s theme feels like it’s pulled straight from a video game in the best way possible).
And speaking of Luthor, Nicholas Hoult has the most absurdly perfect head shape I have ever seen on a human. Like, if you told me they used CGI to smooth it out I would absolutely believe you. It’s like his scalp was molded from the flesh of destiny for this specific role. The Bald Icons of the modern canon all bow before him. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is flaccid in defeat, Mr. Clean is wallowing in his own filth, Professor X is asking “Why?”, and Vin Diesel is cursing his family genetics for not bequeathing unto him a skull as pristine as the one before us today. I dream of a world where my dome is as spherical and shiny, but until that day comes my weird, lumpy crown will rest upon a pillow made of envy instead.
Sorry, what was I talking about?
Uh, Spoilers in Blue below, scroll past the next image if you wanna skip em:
First, here’s 2 random asides: 1.) Pa Kent talking about how good a burrito he had last week is the most Midwest-Dad coded thing I’ve ever seen a man do in a movie. James Gunn understands my people. 2.) This woulda made infinite money if Hawk Tuah happened a year later, but the stars just didn’t quite align. Screech on that thang.
On a more serious note, I love how unafraid the movie is of making Superman objectively correct. There’s some conflict in the beginning about whether or not it was “okay” for him to prevent a war from breaking out, with the extremely tired “Should one singular being that’s beholden to no country have this much decision making power?” question causing some conflict between Clark and Lois. Throughout the entire conversation, Clark gets more and more frustrated with Lois interrogating him over what is obviously the correct decision for him to have made, and after that scene the movie never really pushes back on his outlook. It’s content to just say “war bad”, and honestly that rules.
My only real complaint is that the tone is a bit inconsistent. Most of the movie is very firmly in the “Fun for the whole family” category, but then it gets oddly fixated on using the word “Harem” for a few scenes. And while I do like the contrast it provides, Luthor straight up shooting a man in the head felt like it was maybe a bit much. Especially when the movie ends with Krypto tackling him mid villain-monologue less than an hour later. Not a huge deal, but if I have to find a nit to pick, there it is.
I saw this on opening night in IMAX. As I was walking out, I overheard the following exchange from a couple:
“I really liked how positive it was. Like, it just made me feel super hopeful”
“Isn’t that the whole point?”
Honestly, they were absolutely spittin. We need more comic book movies like this.
Alright, another month down! We’re over half way through the year, which feels completely wrong. The passage of time sure is relentless!
Sorry if this one came off as kinda disjointed. It turns out that it’s way harder to write about movies whose cultural legacy isn’t yet cemented. I think I’m gonna try to watch a few older things this month to balance things out. Anyway, here’s the list, hope your summer is treating you well!
THE LIST
- Forgetting Sarah Marshall
- 12 Angry Men
- The Lighthouse
- Presence
- Superman
- Punch-Drunk Love
- The Phoenician Scheme
- Eddington
- Sinners
- Gone Girl
- BlackBerry
- F1
- Mickey 17
- Baby Driver
- My Old Ass
- The Fantastic Four: First Steps
- Death of a Unicorn
- John Wick
- The Shining
- Michael
- Matrerialists
- The Big Lebowski
Flamoctapus 